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Crazy English

Let’s face it: English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins were not invented in England or french fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day an cold as hell another?

When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on.

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?

Now I know why I flunked my English. It’s not my fault; the silly language doesn’t quite know whether it’s coming or going.

http://www.ojohaven.com/fun/crazy.html

By: Deat | 2006/05/30 | Babbling | Trackback | Comments [RSS 2.0]

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Aaron

Comment by Aaron | 2006/05/30 at 21:34:02

The French Fries are called that because they use a french cut. :r
Deneb

Comment by Deneb | 2006/05/31 at 22:22:13

I totally agree with you; like how in the “english” language we spell color two different ways depending on where we are from….i.e. you can tell I’m from america or one of the places they teach english to. Although I think French Fries were “discovered” (by americans so that means they never exsisted till than right?) in french by american soldiers around WW2.
Deat

Comment by Deat | 2006/05/31 at 22:45:22

i loved this article because of how funny it was…I didn’t write it though, the original link is at the bottom.
HC

Comment by HC | 2006/06/05 at 06:39:49

:P This one cracks me up. I had a teacher once that (if I may say so myself) was the funniest person ever. She always complained about how the english language was too complicated! She’d go on and on for a half hour, and realize that whilst talking about how ’sit up and sit down’ mean the same things, they had nothing to do with the religion class we were in.
After she left on a Maternity leave, this really made me think of the good ol’ days. ^^
Thanks for this.
Chris

Comment by Chris | 2006/10/10 at 18:20:16

Posted may 2006? OH NOES!! HE’S DEAD!

Crazy English

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