Articles

Why Do Pink Erasers Still Exist?

Feb 07 2006 by Definetly Not Ben

Picture this my disciples. I was at school the other day, doing my workload, when my old pencil becomes no longer any use to me. How so? you ask. What do you think, moron? It became short and could no longer function in the fast paced world that is my schooling.

As such, I must now replace the pencil I am using. I do so by pulling out a new pencil from my case. I tend to keep a new pencil on hand in case of emergencies. I see my new pencil has an eraser on the end, so I temporarily retire my current white one (which has been doing a bang up job). It had been awhile since I used a pink eraser, and what a rude awakening I received on that day.

There I am, writing away, when believe or not (I would strongly advise not believing it) I make a mistake! I shot myself in the kneecap, the best way to discipline yourself. After a few minutes of excruciating pain, I got up with every intention to fix my error. These next events happened in the order that they occured...

1. I twirl the pencil around
2. I start erasing
3. I am voted the greatest person ever by people magazine
4. I finish erasing
5. I look at the results of said erasing
6. My pet terrodactyl swooped into class, bring me a newborn to devour
7. I ate an infant
8. The eraser smudged all my work, leaving the page a terrible mess

At this point I was irate. The nerve of that eraser, smudging my hard work. I destroyed the eraser. "The white eraser would have never done that!" I proclaim aloud.

Which brings me to the point of this article. Why is it the white erasers always get the job done, while the pink ones suck dogs for quarters? You think the people in charge of the production of the pink erasers would say "Hey, our erasers suck. The white ones totally kick our asses." I don't see any evidence of a change being made though. I have a pretty good idea on what to do in this situation. BOYCOTT PINK ERASERS. I don't know how to say it any more clearly than that.

Think about it, stupid. If we were to boycott pink erasers, their business would slow down a great deal. The people who run the pencil business would say "We don't want to be associated with losers." and would quickly sign a deal with the guys who run the white eraser company. Imagine that! White erasers on pencils. That would be incredible, wouldn't you say? Actually, I'm not asking, I'm telling. It would be incredible.

Oh by the way, in case you haven't noticed yet, I'm back.

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